Attempting to breathe

So you know how when your life is just kind of going along and you’re getting things done – you’re working, enjoying family life, exercising, shopping, paying the bills and making lunches and it’s all kind of just regular, day-to-day stuff and nothing too out of the ordinary, but that’s ok because it’s all good, you’re just kind of living your life?  Yeah, me neither.  At least not this year.

This year, for the most part, has been pretty shittastic.  And I understand that yes, it could be so much worse, and yes, there are people who struggle much more than we do.  I get that.  But in a year when you’ve already lost a parent, and then your husband – who is normally beyond healthy – has to spend 3 days in hospital with an infection of the lining of his heart, causing severe chest pain and shortness of breath…  You see what I’m getting at? 

So he’s going to be ok, but his recovery is going to be slow.  And in the meantime, life continues at its own breakneck speed, and every so often I need to remind myself that yes, it could be worse.  And ask myself not only “did I eat today?” but more importantly “did I breathe today?”.  Because I know I can stand to miss a meal or two, but air is very necessary.  And we have people who are concerned for us, and people who want to help, which gives me warm feelings to know that our friends are there and helping to make things right in the world for us.

And then I take the recycling and green cart out this morning and see that the passenger window of our car is smashed and an iPod and connector gone.  Aaaaaand once again it seems like life couldn’t get any worse, and the warm fuzzies I had for humanity just yesterday have had the life choked out of them. 

Shit happens, as they say.  And I get that.  But I am so tired of shit happening to us.  That’s all.

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