Tag Archives: teh stupidz

Stabby commuter, party of one

So Tuesday morning I had to haul my ass out of bed at 4:30am.  For reals.  Like, to actually get UP.  Not just to get up to pee, or shoo the cat out of the room or any such shit as that.  No, I was UP suckers.  For the day.  And why?  Because there was this workshop I had to attend in Toronto.  And it started at 7:30am.  So in order to be on time, I had the 4:30 wake-up call so I could get myself organized and dressed and all that in order to be able to get to the bus station for the 6am bus. 

Are you still with me?  Because this?  This is not even crack of dawn kind of waking up.  This is the middle of the night waking up.  And it sucked large.  But I did it, because I am the employee of the fucking year. 

So good.  Get to the station, buy my ticket and I say “the bus is at 6, right?” and the nice lady (seriously, she was SO nice and it was 5:45am, who is like this??) told me that yes, there was a bus at 6, but there was also one leaving in 5 minutes.  So rather than sit for 15 minutes waiting for a bus and risk falling asleep on a bench and spending the day there, I opted for the 5:50 bus.  Get on, get my seat – the bus is surprisingly empty at this time of day – and proceed to zone out as best I can in an upright position and on a moving bus. 

So we go along, hitting a few stops in the city on our way out to the highway, and I’m chiling and congratulating myself on actually being awake, showered, fed and on time for this whole thing and then, once we hit the highway?  Dead stop.  And it’s dark, so it’s impossible to see what is going on, but you know what was going on?  Nothing.  We were stopped dead on the highway because the volume of traffic was so huge, it was stop and go.  STOP AND GO BEFORE 6AM, people!  What the hell?

Now, I know that travelling between Hamilton and Toronto is brutal during the rush hour times.  What I did not know was that rush hour is pretty much all the time.  Seriously.  I fully expected to just sail on through, arriving at my destination with plenty of time to spare.  But no.  The bus pulled in at 7:25am – if you’ll remember, my bus actually left the station at 5:50am.  Do the math and that is 1 hour and 35 minutes (I think – my math skillz are bad) for a trip that should take less than an hour. 

So anyway, I hauled ass (well actually I stumbled around) to the subway, got on, got off, and walked the 2 minutes to the hospital where the workshop was being held – now it is 7:35 so I am already 5 minutes late, but whatever.  There is a Starbucks in the lobby and I am drawn to its siren song, so I waste a couple of minutes getting my fix, and then, finally, make my way to the workshop by about 7:42am.

And you know what happened after that?  We get the announcement that we are “waiting for a few people who are going to be late” and this mothereffing show did not get on the mothereffing road until nearly 8:30. 

Fortunately we wrapped up around 4pm, but I was braindead after about 2:00, overcaffeinated and stabby.  And of course, I still had to get home.  Which took 2 hours.  My husband, bless his everloving everything, had bought wine, and so I spent the entire evening sitting in a chair in my jammies, with my feet up drinking wine and staring blankly into the middle distance, thanking my lucky stars that I don’t have to do that every day. 

And you know what else?  I am still so bone tired that I can barely function.  Which is why you’re getting a blog post out of me instead of me actually doing some actual work.  But whatever.  Employee of the year, remember?

Not shopping

OMG you guys!  Did you know that today is Black Friday?  Did you also know that there are stores that were opening at 4am today?  And that there would actually be people there to shop in these stores at 4am???  Because it’s true.  It’s beyond fucked up.  But it’s true.

I had my final physio appointment last night – they call it graduation – and as usual the TV was tuned to Peachtree TV.  Which…I don’t know how Georgia stations are making it all the way up here to the frozen tundra, but whatever.  I enjoy the commercials for places like Longhorn Steakhouse where you can get a steak stuffed with….stuff.  Like cheese.  Or crab.  I am fascinated by American restaurants mainly because of shit like this.  Also?  I don’t eat meat, so it’s even more of a trainwreck.

So anyway.  Yes, the crazy-ass steak commercials came on during The Office, but also the Old Navy and Sears and JC Penney commercials and they were all about how they were opening at 4am “for your Black Friday shopping convenience”.  And I was thinking how is it ever convenient to get up for a 4am shopping date?  Seriously, who does this?

But people do.  And even up here in the aforementioned frozen tundra, the stores are trying to do their best US Black Friday impersonation, and why not?  Hell, it seems we copy everything else – Canadian Idol, So You Think You Can Dance Canada and the Canada Walk of Fame I’m looking at you – so doesn’t it make sense to try to capitalize on the inherent greed and stupidity of human nature and offer door crashers at 4 in the fucking morning so greedy and stupid humans can spend spend spend? 

Or maybe I’m just cranky.

At any rate, I am not shopping.  At least not today.  Tomorrow, I am going to shop at the International Marketplace, hosted by the Immigrant Women’s Centre.  I am hoping to do some of my Christmas shopping there, and I will be supporting this amazing organization.  So there.  Holiday shopping in a festive environment, and no one gets trampled in their rush to get to a flat-screen TV.

This?  I can get behind.

Just…..wait, what?….um…yeah, NO

Really.  Just no.  Please?

I read this at Broadsheet today.  Kind of hoped it was, you know, a hoax?  Or something?  But apparently it’s for realz!  Go on, ladies!  Dye your bits if you’ve lost your youthful colour! 

I swear I just have no energy for this today.  But I will give them props for at least using correct terminology.  I guess.