Tag Archives: stuff

Some cheese with that whine

You guys, this is the 2nd time I’ve managed to work goats into a post.  I think that’s pretty rad.  This time, it’s not about goat wine, but wine’s bff – cheese.  And more specifically?  Goat cheese.*

Lately I’ve been noticing goat cheese on stuff more and more.  And you might think ok, so what?  Well I’ma tell you what.  I’m tired of it.  Seriously. 

Let’s go on back, way back to the mid-to-late 90s when the UIG was just a freshly-married kinda girl, given to hosting fun fun fun parties, get-togethers and shindigs.  Always those events require food of some sort, and a lot of the time the good old cheese and cracker plate was a go-to for parties.  Cheese = fat and protein for sopping up the booze.  Crackers = starchy starches for sopping up the booze.  (sense a trend here?)  So way back in the day, I remember shopping for a party and zoning in on this little cylinder of cheese – why, it’s goat cheese!  And you could buy it (in my grocery store, anyway) with a coating of herbs or cranberries or black peppercorns for a spicy spice hit.  And you could serve it cut in rounds or as a whole log (which sounds funny) for spreading (a whole log for spreading, come on, that’s genius word play right there!)  And it was tasty!  Really tasty!  The kind of cheese that has a full-on wrestle with your taste buds, in a good way.

And so, UIG, party hoster extraordinaire hopped on that goat cheese bandwagon and started serving it straight up, crumbled in salads, added to dishes, etc.  And then?  Then it went the late-90s version of viral.  Motherfucking stuff was everywhere.

Now in no way am I claiming that I, the UIG, was the person responsible for introducing this cheesy comestible to the world.  No how.  Goat cheese has been around since the dawn of goats, no doubt.  Nor am I saying that because I introduced it in my parties, everyone started following my lead and my trend, I’m just saying that it did seem to have a heyday back about 10-12 years ago and that heyday?  Has just kept on heydaying, and shows no signs of slowing down.

And so this gets me thinking – does cheese have an expiry date?  Trend-wise, not going off wise (because obvi actual cheese can’t last forever).  Or does it keep on keeping on?  And if so, why?

What about all the other tasty, tasty cheeses out there?  Why aren’t they cheese of the month (or year, or decade for chrissakes)?  Why is it that every restaurant I step into has SOMETHING that includes goat cheese, be it a pizza or a salad?  And why do I care?  I actually don’t have the answer to those questions.  Or do I? 

For the “why should I care?” question I’ll give you this.  I don’t eat meat.  This limits what options I have at most restaurants, unless they are specifically vegetarian restaurants.  So.  Often when entrees are meat-based, pasta dishes are the only veg options.  Or pizzas.  Or meal-sized salads (which, when you consider the realms of possibilities there are for vegetarian dishes, is pretty fucking sad, but that’s a whole other blog post, kids)  And I can 99 times out of 100 guarantee that one of those veg options is going to have the cheese of the motherfucking goat. 

So again I say, why?  Can we not, by now, have a substitute favourite cheese for salads and pizzas?  And don’t even talk to me about its meltability properties – lots of cheeses melt and melt better.  Sure it’s flavourful, but godammit, so are a lot of cheeses. 

I guess I’m just saying that goat cheese, for me, has run its course.  It’s no longer trendy, new and exciting.  That tangy, exciting flavour that was once so fresh, with such a wow factor, has become – for me – like eating Velveeta.  Meh.  There’s got to be some movement on the cheese front, people.  Perhaps I’m the one to lead the charge.  Perhaps, just like years ago, I should head to my local cheese shop (yes, I actually do have a local cheese shop and it’s awesome!) and just pick something that looks interesting, try it, and start serving it to guests.  And maybe, just maybe, that will be the start of another cheesy revolution! 

Aaaand then in 12 years I will have to write this post again, about Pecorino or something.  You’ve been warned.

*I would just like to clarify that this rant about goat cheese is specifically aimed at those prepackaged logs of goat cheese available at the supermarket.  I know there are probably excellent artisanal type goat cheeses that come in lots of different forms, and I should probably seek those out so that I might change my tune.  But I’m feeling ranty.

Customer Service-R-Us

A couple of weeks ago I decided that I needed to buy a couple of new bras.  Stop reading now if you’re easily put off by mentions of lingerie, etc.  I mean it.

Okay, if you’re still with me… I had good luck with bras from Change last time I needed them, so off I went.  I have recently been fitted, so I chose two that I liked in my size, tried them on, found that they both fit and flattered, and so I bought them.  All in all about a 20 minute shopping experience.  Done and done.

Flash forward two days later, I am getting dressed to go to work, I decide to wear one of the new bras, and it’s comfy and it’s all good.  When I go to take it off later in the evening though?  Bang – strap breaks.  WTF, seriously?  Brand new bra?  Aaargh.  Okay, so I check it out – it’s clearly a part that was folded over and stitched in place – these bras are all “convertible” – which always cracks me up because you know convertibles are topless -hahaha!  *ahem* Anyway, the bra works as a criss-cross back, so there is gadgetry that allows that, and it looked as if one of the straps wasn’t sewn as tightly as it should have been.

So, okay I’ve got the receipt, all I need to do is go back and exchange it, right?  Which isn’t as easy as it sounds, there seemed to have been forces at work all week to keep me away from the store, and to keep me from having any time whatsoever to exchange it.  Until last night.  So armed with my malfunctioning bra, I hit the mall.  And on the way there I am going through the possible scenarios: they won’t accept returns; they’ll think I wore it for the entire two weeks and wore it out; they’ll blame me for breaking the strap.  Seriously, who does this?  Anyway, I arrived at the store, waited for the clerk to finish with a customer and then approached the desk.  And here’s how it went down:

me:  “hi, I have something to return”

her: “oh?”

me: thinking *oh this is it, there’s no way this exchange is happening* “um, yes, I bought this bra about 10 days ago and wore it once – it was great – then when I took it off, the strap broke”  *now showing her the bra in question*

her: “OMG what?  I…I…have never seen that happen before!”

me: again, thinking *uh huh, and so it’s my fault???*

her:  “Wow, I am SO sorry this happened to you!”

me: “uh…what?”

her:  “I mean that’s awful, there’s no way this should happen, let me go grab another one in your size, unless you want to try something else, if you’re worried that this might be a flaw in the product??”

me: “um, no I’m sure it was a fluke, the same one is fine”

her: “ok, here you go, give it a try, it’s a slightly different style but same pattern and fit, so see what you think”

me: “uh – okay…”

So in I go to the change room and she’s back there too doing some sorting or whatever, and chatting with me through the door:

her: “I just feel so badly that you had to come back and boy I’d be angry if I were you, but you’re so…pleasant about it!”

me: “well, I guess…you know, things like this can happen, so um…yeah, it’s ok, just glad it didn’t happen when I was wearing it you know?”

her:  “OMG I hadn’t even thought about that, how horrible that would have been!  Again, I’m really sorry, and thanks for being so kind about the whole thing!”

me: “uh, again, it’s no problem”

This would be what I call probably the best – if at times a little gushy – customer service I have ever experienced.  Ever.  I even scanned it for sarcasm and it came back clean.  No questions asked, no “wow this makes my evening soooo much harder, bitch” nothing at all except “I am sorry that the product we sold you was not top quality, and I will make it right”.

So Change?  You’ve got me – and my boobs – for life.