Stabby commuter, party of one

So Tuesday morning I had to haul my ass out of bed at 4:30am.  For reals.  Like, to actually get UP.  Not just to get up to pee, or shoo the cat out of the room or any such shit as that.  No, I was UP suckers.  For the day.  And why?  Because there was this workshop I had to attend in Toronto.  And it started at 7:30am.  So in order to be on time, I had the 4:30 wake-up call so I could get myself organized and dressed and all that in order to be able to get to the bus station for the 6am bus. 

Are you still with me?  Because this?  This is not even crack of dawn kind of waking up.  This is the middle of the night waking up.  And it sucked large.  But I did it, because I am the employee of the fucking year. 

So good.  Get to the station, buy my ticket and I say “the bus is at 6, right?” and the nice lady (seriously, she was SO nice and it was 5:45am, who is like this??) told me that yes, there was a bus at 6, but there was also one leaving in 5 minutes.  So rather than sit for 15 minutes waiting for a bus and risk falling asleep on a bench and spending the day there, I opted for the 5:50 bus.  Get on, get my seat – the bus is surprisingly empty at this time of day – and proceed to zone out as best I can in an upright position and on a moving bus. 

So we go along, hitting a few stops in the city on our way out to the highway, and I’m chiling and congratulating myself on actually being awake, showered, fed and on time for this whole thing and then, once we hit the highway?  Dead stop.  And it’s dark, so it’s impossible to see what is going on, but you know what was going on?  Nothing.  We were stopped dead on the highway because the volume of traffic was so huge, it was stop and go.  STOP AND GO BEFORE 6AM, people!  What the hell?

Now, I know that travelling between Hamilton and Toronto is brutal during the rush hour times.  What I did not know was that rush hour is pretty much all the time.  Seriously.  I fully expected to just sail on through, arriving at my destination with plenty of time to spare.  But no.  The bus pulled in at 7:25am – if you’ll remember, my bus actually left the station at 5:50am.  Do the math and that is 1 hour and 35 minutes (I think – my math skillz are bad) for a trip that should take less than an hour. 

So anyway, I hauled ass (well actually I stumbled around) to the subway, got on, got off, and walked the 2 minutes to the hospital where the workshop was being held – now it is 7:35 so I am already 5 minutes late, but whatever.  There is a Starbucks in the lobby and I am drawn to its siren song, so I waste a couple of minutes getting my fix, and then, finally, make my way to the workshop by about 7:42am.

And you know what happened after that?  We get the announcement that we are “waiting for a few people who are going to be late” and this mothereffing show did not get on the mothereffing road until nearly 8:30. 

Fortunately we wrapped up around 4pm, but I was braindead after about 2:00, overcaffeinated and stabby.  And of course, I still had to get home.  Which took 2 hours.  My husband, bless his everloving everything, had bought wine, and so I spent the entire evening sitting in a chair in my jammies, with my feet up drinking wine and staring blankly into the middle distance, thanking my lucky stars that I don’t have to do that every day. 

And you know what else?  I am still so bone tired that I can barely function.  Which is why you’re getting a blog post out of me instead of me actually doing some actual work.  But whatever.  Employee of the year, remember?

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