This post is not about Tiger Woods, I just want to get that out there first, ok? I’m not going to apologize for that either, because it’s not anyone’s business but mine. Just like, I don’t know, Tiger Woods’ life is not anyone’s business but his. And his family’s. Sooo why does he need to apologize to anyone other than them? And really, fuck the way he’s been treated, it’s appalling. And I also hope he wins the Masters and then flips the bird to the whole world for the shit he’s been put through.
Hey, what do you know? Maybe this post is about Tiger Woods after all!
Except that…well, it’s not. Because OMG you guys! There is a tiger in my city! Roaming free and on the town! In the downtown core! Large and in charge!
So earlier this week – or maybe it was towards the end of last week – posters started appearing everywhere warning against approaching any wild animals in the city, which seems like a no brainer, but whatever. Hamilton is a largely industrialized city, but we do have the Niagara escarpment which runs all around us, and there are still a lot of forested areas, green spaces, etc. so it’s not uncommon to see deer and other wildlife in residential areas, especially those that are close to the escarpment. In some areas coyotes are sometimes seen, as well as the usual wildlife suspects like skunks, raccoons, possums and rabbits, so when I saw the posters, my mind immediately went to packs of wild dogs, roving bands of rabid raccoons or something like that. I have to say that tiger didn’t even register. So yeah. Wow. Tiger.
What’s curious to me is that this tiger has been sighted in various places around the city since February, and yet no one I know had any idea. I guess until recently there was no actual proof (because come on, when someone is all “dude, I totally just saw a tiger at the hotel downtown!” there’s a good chance that no one is going to believe them anyway) but when is local media ever concerned with things like “getting the whole story” or “not jumping to any conclusions until we have all the evidence”? Never, that’s when. Usually they are all over that shit, unconfirmed sources and panic-inducing dramatics and all. So what gives? Hoax much? Maybe?
I guess it’s good that the word is out there now, and I’m sure eventually the papers and the TV station will pick up on it and blast us with tiger sighting stories, the area man’s take on the situation, and how to prevent a tiger attack or what to do if you’ve spotted the tiger. And I’m extra glad I know about it because it was apparently seen strolling around the golf course which is very close to my house, which is maybe just a little too close for comfort.
And right now, I am fighting the urge to say that if the tiger is on the golf course, just fuck off and leave him alone, stay out of his life and business, and put away your judgements and just freaking let him play.
I said I was fighting the urge. I didn’t say I was fighting it well.
ETA: I am still trying to find out if this is a hoax, because it really screams hoax, doesn’t it? I couldn’t watch the video from work (stupid work interwebs rules) but now that I’ve seen it, it’s pretty clearly not legit. And maybe the Hamilton Tiger-Cats have something to do with it.